Leaving A Home
by Katherine-Magnolia
Summary: Kimdesa al'Tere is a simple country girl from Deven Ride in the Two Rivers. All she really wants is to become the village Wisdom. But one snowy morning she learns that her fate runs along a different path.
1. Out of The Two Rivers

The sky was the gray of just before dawn over the peaceful village of Deven Ride in the Two Rivers. It was almost completely silent in the village, except for the quiet sounds of people going about their morning chores. But for the most part the village was still sleepy, small tendrils of smoke making dark gray wisps against the sky as they rose up lazily from the chimneys.

Almost half a league away from the village rose a high hill, the highest hill for leagues around. And standing at its peak were three young women and two young men. Each of the men held a wooden sled under his arm while two of the women were gazing at them and giggling. The third was standing a ways off, looking down at the village with a soft smile on her beautiful, oddly child-like face. A cold winter breeze came and lifted up the wisps of her light brown hair that had somehow escaped from her braid. For the Women's Circle had deemed her old enough to wear her hair in a braid the month past.

The sun broke over the distant hills and shimmered off of the snow that blanketed everything in sight. The girl's smile widened as the snow glittered like diamonds, making the small village of Deven Ride even more beautiful in her dark, nearly black, brown eyes. She loved her home and wanted nothing more then to grow up, live, and die in this peaceful, beautiful place. Her mother and father had even had words with the Wisdom years ago, and she was her apprentice! Her, the next Wisdom of Deven Ride…it was a thrilling thought.

"Kim!" one of the girls said, raising a gloved hand to wave her over. "Stop staring at the village, you see it every single day. Come on over here and settle this, it was your idea after all."

Kimdesa al'Tere turned and nodded, brushing her braid back over her shoulder and drawing her fur-lined cloak closer before walking over to the others. Desys Gaeli, the girl who had waved her over, was hopping from foot to foot and clutching her cloak tightly about her. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a braid that looked tight enough to hurt and hung down a nice distance below her waist. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the village by far, having a nose that was too sharp and more then slightly hard brown eyes.

The other girl, standing next to her, was one of the most beautiful in the village. Her hair wasn't braided yet, seeing as how most of the Woman's Circle viewed her as an imp who would never have any worth, and flowed in large, dark curls to halfway down her back. Her eyes were big and dark, and she almost always had a small smile on her heart-shaped lips. Nynli al'Seenar was the daughter of the blacksmith but didn't look it. Not with her tall, willowy build.

The two young men were holding wooden sleds under their arms and eyeing the slope of the hill apprehensively. The taller of the two was the apprentice of Master al'Seenar, Nynli's father. Witli Condwiner had a heavy, muscular build, short dark hair, and dark eyes that belied his intelligence...which was almost non-existent. Kim was his friend but she would not hesitate to agree that Witli had the average brains of a mule, though he was sweet. Next to him Jac Dowdon looked like a midget with his thin build, looking as though he could be snapped in half by the blacksmith's apprentice. He had very light brown hair that bordered on being blond, an extreme rarity in the Two Rivers. His eyes were plenty dark enough though.

"So what are you two brave lads afraid of?" Kim asked as she walked up, her dark eyes sparkling. "Surely this little hill can't make you hesitate. I would swear that I heard you bragging the other day, Jac Dowdon, that you could go down any hill anyone pointed out. Without hesitation. Yet I see hesitation, not afraid are you?"

"Of course not Kim!" Jac said as he walked forward, winking at her. That wink had gotten him in more trouble then ten from any of the other boys would. "I was just waiting for Witli here to work up his nerve." He elbowed the larger boy in the side. "And, of course, we wanted you here to see us do it since this was all your idea."

Kim folded her arms across her chest and tapped one foot against the snow she was standing on. "Well get on with it then," she said with a jerk of her head. "I'd like to see which of you can actually make it all the way down faster." Everyone in Deven Ride knew that Kimdesa al'Tere, despite her child-like appearance, was the leader of this small group. Everything they did was her idea, and if it got them into trouble then she was the one who everyone believed had done it.

"What's the prize?" Jac demanded, a smug grin on his face. He was sure he would win, Kim could tell. Otherwise he would never have mentioned a prize, especially if it might deal with Kim. For some odd reason he thought that no boy had any right to look at her unless it was him. More then one fight had started over the matter.

Kim looked over at Nynli and winked at her. The other grinned and winked back. "A kiss," she said. "The winner will get a kiss. Now come on already, I'd like to be back home in time to do my chores. If mother gets up and I haven't then she is going to throw a fit." 

Jac and Witli lined up at the edge of the hill and Kim could see Jac eyeing the slope warily. He was afraid of going down it. Well, so long as he was sure to steer clear of the dead tree halfway down then he would be just fine. Witli didn't look afraid at all, then again Witli didn't have quite enough sense to be afraid. "Ready," Desys said and the two tensed. "Go!" The sleds took off down the hill. Kim stood between Desys and Nynli, watching eagerly as Witli and Jac flew down. It was exhilarating for the young woman, watching the sleds fly over the snow. It was almost as good as though she were doing it herself, which, sadly, she could no longer do. The Wisdom, Edti Aylin, had given her a good talking to the last time she had caught her doing such. And the very last thing Kim wanted to do was have the Wisdom mad at her. She _was_ her apprentice after all.

Everything was going fine, until it happened. Jac suddenly let out a yell and Kim saw as his sled veered sharply to the right, turning and throwing him off. He sailed through the air to strike against the dead tree that he should have passed clearly. She watched in horror as a spray of crimson stained the snow around him and he screamed. Witli swung his sled to a stop at the bottom and looked up at Jac, and then to Kim. "What do I do?" he shouted.

Nynli shook Kim roughly, dragging her out of her horrified state. "Kim, Kim do something! You're the Wisdom's apprentice, what do we do?" Kim looked at her and then at Desys, both of whom were extremely pale and looking at her as though she was the only one who knew what to do. And she was...she was the Wisdom's Apprentice; she had to know how to handle this.

"Witli, run back to the village and get the Wisdom and some of the men so they can carry Jac!" Witli nodded and was gone. Then Kim was running down the hill towards Jac, her braid flying out behind her. When she reached him she knelt down beside him and flipped him over, he had been lying face down. He looked up at her with frightened brown eyes in a face that was far too pale. He had struck the tree hard, but only with his left arm. And through his arm was a large hole that looked as though Kim could stick a few of her fingers through. A stick on the tree was covered in blood and gore. He must have impaled his arm on it then rolled over, pulling it off. Now blood was gushing from the wound, quickly turning the snow around him red.

"Oh Light preserve me," Kim whispered. "Jac hold still, don't move, okay? I'm going to...I'm going to..." What was she going to do? _What can I do?_ she wondered as she stared at the wound helplessly. Edti had never told her about things like this. Wait...she had. Taking a deep breath, Kim reached out with her hands and pressed the gash together, slowing the blood that was gushing out of it. "Please," she whispered as Jac's breathing grew ragged. "Please don't die. Please Jac, it's my fault you even went down that hill. You can't die...please." 

Blood covered her hands and halfway up her arms. Jac's eyes were locked on hers, the scared eyes of a little boy. She had to make the bleeding stop; there was nothing else for it. If Jac kept bleeding like this then he would die before Witli got back with the Wisdom. "Stop," she whispered desperately as she pressed her hands harder against the wound. Her head pounded and the world swam as a sweet ringing started up in her ears and seemed to flow through her arms to Jac, who let out a surprised gasp. Then the ringing was gone and Kim sank back into the snow, feeling as though she had just run for leagues.

"Kim," Nynli said in a shocked whisper. "How did you do that?"

Kim looked up at her and then over at Jac, who was sitting up now, rubbing his arm, and trembling violently. His eyes landed on her and were filled with uncontrollable fear as he jumped to his feet. She saw that the area were the wound had been was covered over with tender pink skin and black, dried blood. She reached out to touch it, just to see if it was real or not, and he jumped back. "Don't touch me you, you...you witch!" he shouted as he turned and fled towards Deven Ride, passing right by the Wisdom and several men. 

Tears filled Kim's eyes and she looked at her hands in horror. "What have I done?" she asked in a whisper, somehow looking up at Desys and Nynli. She was spattered in quickly-drying blood from Jac's wounds, a wound that should have had him dead. Her eyes though, her eyes were more hurt then anything else. Neither of the other two had an answer for her.

"What happened here?" the Wisdom demanded as she rushed up. "Witli said-oh Creator protect me! Whose blood is this? Kimdesa? Kimdesa is it yours?" She knelt down in the blood-soaked snow and began to check the silent Kim over for any sort of wound. When she found none she shook Kim and asked again what had happened. Still Kim said nothing; all she did was stare down at her hands. "Nynli, Desys, what happened here? Where is Jac?"

Desys pointed after the running figure and Nynli explained. "And then the wound was just gone. Like it had never even been there. Jac called Kim a witch and ran off, and Kim hasn't said a word since. Other then asking what she did...and we don't know."

_But I know what I did,_ Kim thought as she blinked and looked up at the Wisdom, Edti, with tear-filled eyes. She had read all of the books in Deven Ride, along with a few from Emond's Field during visits there. She had read about things like this, called Healing by those who knew of such things. And only one type of people could do this Healing. Aes Sedai. Bloody Aes Sedai who had broken the world and served the Dark One. They could Heal people of wounds, bring them back from the brink of death. "I Healed him," she said, her voice as flat as her eyes now were.

"No," Desys breathed, looking at her with a face that was even paler then it had been before. "You...but...channelers....Sedai...serve the Dark One!" She backed away slowly then broke and ran, much as Jac had done.

Kim looked at Edti, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I didn't mean too," she whispered. "Forgive me...I'll never do it again. Please, please don't tell anyone. They'll hate me. I didn't want to, it was an accident. I just wanted Jac to live!" She broke down into uncontrollable sobs, flinging herself down onto the cold, blood-stained snow to beat her hands against it as she wept. 

"Witli," Edti said as she reached out to stroke Kim's hair. "You and the others, go find Master al'Tere. Bring him here."

"Not me," Nynli said as she knelt beside Kim and took one of her flailing hands, stroking it. "Kim's my friend, you're not sending me away."

"But she can-"

"I don't care," Nynli said firmly. "She's still my friend." The Wisdom began to then reconsider whether Nynli was truly as bad as she had always thought she was.

**That Night**

Kim was huddled in the middle of her bed, her eyes red and puffed up from crying the entire day. Her braid had come undone and her dress was wrinkled beyond belief. Her water pitcher was on the opposite side of the wall, a dent in it and in the wall it had struck. Nynli was sitting on a chair beside the bed, rubbing Kim's back and whispering soothingly to her. "I can't believe you're actually going to do this," Nynli said, her voice venom as she glared at Kim's parents who were standing on the opposite side of the bed. "How can you?"

"It's for her own good," Master al'Tere said. "If she doesn't leave then she is endangering herself. Not only herself, but the whole village. I know this time she saved a boy's life, but what if next time she kills someone?" 

"Don't talk over my head," Kim said as she sat up, scrubbing roughly at her eyes. "I'm neither asleep nor deaf. So, the Village Council and Women's Circle decided, did they? I'm to be sent away." Her voice was devoid of all emotion, though her eyes were not. Those dark pools were full of hurt, pain, and grief.

"Oh honey," Mistress al'Tere said as she knelt beside the bed and reached out to take her in her arms. "It is for your own good. If you stay...what if it does kill you? It'd be our fault, for allowing you to stay behind instead of leave and get the help you need. There was an Aes Sedai here once, when I was but a very small child. I remember her saying that if we ever even suspected one of our girls of being able to channel then we must send her to the White Tower for training, or else she would die. I don't want you to die, Kimdesa."

Kim looked at her mother and began to cry again, because she knew she was right. "I don't want to go mother," she wept. "I didn't mean to channel. Please, please don't send me away. I'll never do it again, don't make me leave. Deven Ride is my home, please don't make me go. Father? Father please...please let me stay. I'm supposed to be Wisdom someday! I don't want to go....please, please?" She kept this up until she cried herself to sleep again in her mother's arms.

"Mistress al'Tere?" Nynli asked as she stood up to leave. "Let me go with her. She's my best friend; I know she'll need someone she knows on the trip. I'll come back afterwards...but don't send her alone." 

The two exchanged glances before Mistress al'Tere turned to Nynli and nodded. "All right Nynli," she said. "I think you're right. Kimdesa will need someone with her, a little piece of home, if only for a little while. Just ask your parents and make sure. You're leaving at first light. I've written a letter, you're to have a pigeon take it to Tar Valon once you reach Baerlon. You are _not_ to leave Baerlon until an escort comes for you. As it is, two boys from Emond's Field will meet you there and escort you to Baerlon, along with another young woman who wishes to go as well. Understand?"

Nynli nodded and took one last look at Kimdesa before curtsying and running out towards her own home. 

**Three Weeks Later**

Kim looked across the table at Nynli, who had for some odd reason decided to come with her, and tried a smile. But it was hard, knowing what was going to happen any day now. They had been in Baerlon for almost three weeks now, waiting for whoever it was to arrive. "Four years," she said as she fiddled with her cup of tea. "I was apprentice to the Wisdom for four years, Nynli, ever since I was twelve. What good is that to me now? Aes Sedai don't need herbs to help people."

"Stop it Kim," Nynli said wearily, "We've chewed this bone to nothing. There's nothing for it, you can channel and have to go to Tar Valon for training." 

"Easy for you to say it," Kim replied. "You get to go home to Deven Ride, just like the others went back to Emond's Field. Me, I have to go to Tar Valon, and that's a good ways away." She sounded bitter; then again she had never made secret her desire to return to Deven Ride. All who knew her knew that her only desire ever had been to be the next Wisdom of her village. 

Nynli bit her lip and was about to say something when the innkeeper, a rather round man called Lem, bustled up to them and bowed. "Pardon me, Mistress al'Tere," he said. "But there is a woman here asking after you. She only just arrived and said that you were to be sent up to her private dining room immediately. If you'll come with me?"

The two exchanged quick glances before standing and following the innkeeper. _This must be the Aes Sedai,_ Kim thought, her stomach full of butterflies. A quick glance at Nynli soothed her a bit, the other girl looked completely composed. _Of course she's calm. After this she gets to go home._ The thought that Nynli wouldn't be with her for too much longer hurt. Nynli was her last link to Deven Ride, and her best friend. She didn't know how well she would get on without her.

Then Lem was bowing them into a room and shutting the door quickly behind them. Kim gulped and smoothed out her stout woolen dress as her eyes darted around. There was more then one woman in there, there were four! _Four Aes Sedai?_ Kim thought, her mind going numb at the mere notion. She was surrounded by four women who could channel! _So can you, you wool-brained fool!_ Except she hadn't chosen to channel. _Do you really think that they chose to be able to channel either?_ Kim shut that sensible part of her mind away as she dropped a trembling curtsy, not near as graceful as Nynli's was.

When she looked back up all four of the women were looking at her and Nynli, although she forgot about one of them quickly. _They can't all be Aes Sedai. Why, those two can't be much older then me if they are at all!_ She had never seen people like them before and couldn't help but stare. The one closet to her, one of the ones who could not be much older then her, was wearing a dress that couldn't be counted as appropriate _anywhere_. It was almost see through and clung to every last one of her curves. Her hair hung straight to her shoulders and was blacker then a raven's wing. Odd brown eyes flecked with green peered at her from a face with copper-colored skin. _I did not know skin that color even existed! Nor eyes of a shade other then brown._ Even when she was sitting, Kim could tell that this woman would be tall. "I thought that there was only one, Areinla Sedai. Yet I see two." 

"Maybe the second is an escort of some sort," the other young woman said. She was using a whetstone to sharpen a knife and Kim could see quite a few hilts sticking up from the wide belt she had on about her dress and a few from the odd boots she was wearing. Her dress itself was normal enough; it looked like it could have come from Kim's own pack. Her face though, a face like that had never been seen in the Two Rivers. Her nose was oddly like a hawk's beak and her dark eyes were actually tilted! Her thick, curly, black hair was nothing like anything Kim had seen before.

"Hush Jerelle, you too Meve," this came from the woman sitting with her back to the door. When she turned around Kim's mouth dropped right open. She had golden colored hair that fell in waves to halfway down her back and sky blue, twinkling eyes set in a face that somehow was neither old nor young. _Ageless, she looks ageless._ Kim had read stories about people with light hair and light eyes, but she had never thought they were true. How could someone have hair lighter then Jac's was?

"Did the sun bleach your hair?" Kim blurted out. Maybe this woman, she had to be an Aes Sedai, came from the south where it was always warm. Like Tear or Illian. During the past weeks in Baerlon, Kim had poured over every map she could find. Those countries were to the south, along one of the oceans. There were other countries too, with names she had never dream of.

The woman looked at Kim and smiled. "You truly do come from the Two Rivers where news of the outside world hardly comes, don't you child?" she asked as she stood and walked over to her. She towered over her and when she put cool fingers under Kim's chin to lift her face up, the younger woman did not resist. "My hair is blond, child, and it is not so uncommon a color outside of your land. Ahhh, I believe that you are Kimdesa al'Tere, correct?"

Kim swallowed hard again and looked over at Nynli, who looked intimidated by this tall woman with gold or blond as she called it, hair. "Yes," she said, looking back at the woman who she guessed was Areinla Sedai, as the copper-skinned woman had called her. "I am Kimdesa al'Tere." The woman nodded and released her chin, turning to Nynli.

"Then who would you be?" she asked, a thoughtful expression on her face. "The message from the Tower only spoke of one girl who could channel and needed to be escorted to Tar Valon. Yet as surely as Kimdesa here has the spark and has channeled already, you have the spark as well and will channel for the first time sometime soon."

"What?" Nynli asked, her voice and face betraying a mix of shock and...was that hope? Kim was confused at that, why would Nynli wish to channel? Kim would have traded everything she had ever had and ever would have if only she could not channel. Yet Nynli seemed to be glad that she had the ability to channel.

"You will be able to channel soon, child," the Aes Sedai said. "You have no choice but to be coming with us."

Nynli was silent for a moment but then she smiled and turned to embrace Kim. "I get to come with you!" she exclaimed. "I don't have to go home, I can come!" 

"That's great Nynli," Kim said. _Why is she so happy? If I were her then...then...then I wouldn't want to be left behind. I would want to go with her. Even though Deven Ride is my home I would not go back. If only because she is my friend and I would not want her to go on alone, without me._

"Your name, if you please?" the Aes Sedai asked.

"Oh sorry," Nynli said as she pulled away from Kim. "I'm Nynli al'Seenar." She curtsied again.

"I am Areinla Sedai," the gold-haired woman said. "The Domani girl," she indicated the copper-skinned one. "Is Jerelle Zensi. The Saldaen is Meve Alkaese. They are both going to train as novices in the White Tower as well."

"Do not forget to make mention of me, Sister." That was the fourth woman, whom Kim had completely forgotten about upon seeing the others. She was rather plain-looking, though her riding dress was made of the finest wool Kim had ever seen. Her dark brown hair was swept up into a bun and her dark blue eyes were observing Kim meticulously, and then Nynli. Those eyes made Kim nervous, almost as though she could see everything she was thinking and feeling. "It was my offer that had us come to retrieve her, or them as it now seems, after all." 

"Of course," Areinla said, inclining her head slightly. "This is Nanalain Sedai of the Gray Ajah."

Kim curtsied deeply, question after question popping into her mind. "Are you sisters?" she asked as she straightened up. "What is the Gray Ajah? What is an Ajah? How long will it take to get to Tar Valon? Are we going to pass through Caemlyn? is it true that the Two Rivers are a part of this Andor?"

"Hold child!" Areinla said as she held her hand up and laughed. "There will be plenty of time for questions on the road. For we are not going directly to Tar Valon. We are making our way to Whitebridge and then downriver to Illian before we go back. We would send you on to Tar Valon but neither of us wish four girls, very valuable as you all have the ability inborn, to go alone. So you all will come with us, and train along the way."

Kim wished that none of this happened but, seeing as she had no choice in the matter, she might as well enjoy seeing the world. Looking over at Nynli she saw excitement in her eyes. Nynli had always spoke of traveling outside the Tower Rivers. _Now she'll get her chance,_ Kim thought. _Even if it comes only because we can channel this filthy Power that broke the world!_

**Illian**

Kim had taken well to traveling by boat, learning that she much preferred it to walking or traveling by horse. Two of her companions, however, had not. The sharp-nosed and equally sharp-tongued Saldaen called Meve spent much of her time hanging over the rail. Until Kim had mixed her a remedy from her case of herbs that she had refused to allow the Sisters to take from her. Ever since then Meve's tongue had dulled towards her, though she still seemed jealous that Kim had channeled while she still had not.

Nynli proved to have no stomach for water travel either. Kim had spent hours sitting with her, telling stories to keep her friend's mind off of her stomach. to make matters worse, Nynli caught a fever a quarter of the way to Illian and was delirious by the second night of it. Neither Aes Sedai was good enough at Healing, so Kim was left with her herbs to help her as best as she could.

The third night of Nynli's fever Kim was sitting on the bed with her, trying to get her to drink a cup of tea. "Here Nynli, drink this," she urged, pressing the cup to her friend's parched lips. She was beginning to get quite worried. If the fever grew too much worse then Nynli could die. "Please? Come on, drink it. You need to get some liquid in your body." Nynli lifted her head up and drank it all and then fell back asleep. But later that night Kim was wakened by Nynli talking.

"I can't let her go alone mother," Nynli sad as she thrashed in her bed, sweat streaming down her face. "I'm sorry for leaving you and father, but Kim is my friend. She _needs_ me. She's afraid, you should see her. Kim's never afraid of anything, but she's scared witless now. I can't let her go alone, she needs me more then you do." Then she was silent. Kim sat up the rest of the night, unable to sleep. Nynli had never meant to return to Deven Ride. She had always meant to stay with her. _What a friend she is._

The next morning Nynli's fever had broke. She had spent the rest of the trip above deck with Kim, Meve, Jerelle, and Elloinde. Elloinde was a blue-eyed, red-haired girl from Whitebridge who had asked Areinla Sedai to test her for the ability to channel. Areinla had done so and Elloinde had joined in with their little group. At the beginning Kim and Elloinde had clashed more then a little. By the time they had reached Whitebridge Kim had already taken charge; among the young women that was. She hadn't really meant to, it had just happened that way like it always did. She always ended up taking charge.

Elloinde had a desire to have everyone listen to her. Upon discovering that Kim was already the 'leader' she had immediately tried to usurp her. After a good six days of that she gave up and the two of them got along fine.

Kim had no idea how long they had been on the river the day that Areinla Sedai woke her and the others up, since they shared a cabin. "We just docked. Get your things together and come along. We have no desire to linger in this city."

As Kim tugged a clean dress on she heard Meve say, "You might all want to remember what I taught you and keep your knife at hand. Illian is a big city and all big cities have their trouble-makers. Especially the Perfumed Quarters in Illian, which is where we are docked right now. Pretty country girls like you two will be a rich catch indeed to these lowlifes."

"You're a country girl too," Kim protested as she slipped the knife Meve had taught her how to use into the boot sheath she had also been given. "So why is it that we are targets, but not you?"

Meve flashed her a grin. "Illinaers have enough sense to know that Saldaens are not to be trifled with. And Jerelle there, she grew up in Bandar Eban, so she knows what I mean. Light, even Elloinde has been in a bigger city then the two of you! So if the Aes Sedai let us wander, as I'm sure they will, you just don't wander off alone." 

"Yes mother," Kim said mockingly. "We're not children just off our mother's apron strings, Meve. We do have some common sense, believe it or not."

Meve blushed slight. "Sorry Kim," she said. "But I'm just worried. The Perfumed Quarters...well, it's a rough spot. I just don't want anything to happen to you or Nynli."

"Are you girls coming?" Areinla shouted down before Kim could reply. "Nanalain is fit to tie you all up with Air and drag you through the city." 

That caused a rush. Nanalain wasn't cruel but she did have a short temper, for a Gray Sister that was. Or so Areinla had said several times. Kim liked Areinla better, even though it was Nanalain who was teaching her about channeling and pretty much everything else she needed to know. The Two Rivers girl had learned quite a lot since leaving Baerlon, not all of it concerning channeling and Aes Sedai. 

"Come on Kim!" Nynli said, taking her arm and tugging. "Stop daydreaming or they're going to think you're wool-headed." She laughed. "If they don't already think that, of course."

Kim was about to hit her when they emerged on the deck. "A storm is coming," Kim said suddenly, stopping dead as the blood drained from her face. She whirled to the south, where a black barrier of clouds lined the horizon. She felt it running through her, almost as though it was already pounding on her. "Midday," she said, looking over to where Nanalain was standing. "The storm will strike by midday and it will strike hard." She had begun to tremble, her dark eyes wide in her extremely pale face. She leaned on Nynli and stared at Nanalain, who was now looking at the line of clouds.

"Blood and bloody ashes," she swore. Everyone, sailors included, gasped. "Areinla, take them to the nearest Inn outside of the Perfumed Quarter. I'll do what needs doing and meet you there. Kimdesa Listens to the Wind, she can't be wrong about this and anyone could tell you that storm is going to be harsh." She nodded slightly then turned and strode off the ship, going to where the horses where saddled and climbing into the saddle. Without a backward glance she was off to the crowd.

Nynli looked at Kim worriedly and touched her pale cheek. "Kim?" she asked. "You okay?"

Kim looked around and saw that everyone looked worried and tense. "Yeah," she said, standing straight up and shaking herself. The feeling of an upcoming storm was still there though and she honestly wanted to hide under a bed until it passed. But she remembered what she had heard Nynli said, that she was never afraid. She had to keep her fear hidden, if only so that Nynli didn't know. "Yeah," she repeated, smiling at all of them. "It's only a little storm, nothing to be afraid of. I'd say it would bring some much wanted snow. Only we've come so far south that it doesn't snow here!" She laughed and after a moment the other four joined in. She saw the tension and fear that had filled their faces after her little outburst and Nanalain's haste fade away. Areinla nodded approvingly at her. _At least they're calm now._

"All right girls," Areinla said briskly. "Let's be off then. I don't know about you but the smell of this place makes me feel quite ill. The rest of the city has a distinct...odor as well, but it is not near as bad."

Kim struggled a bit getting onto her horse. She wasn't the best of riders and with her nerves all afire she was worse then normal. Nynli ended up having to help her. "Sorry Nynli," Kim said as her friend swung easily up to her saddle. "I guess I'm even worse then normal today, seeing as how I've been out of the saddle for so long." She straightened her braid out, tossing it back over her shoulder.

"Your backside will be taking the shape of a saddle by the time we get to Tar Valon," Jerelle said. The Domani was graceful in everything she did, including riding. Kim had yet to see her make even the slightest stumble. Sometimes she wished that Jerelle would, just to prove that she didn't have the perfect grace and balance of a cat. "Areinla Sedai said we will be riding from here. Neither of the sisters wish to charter a boat to Tear. Nanalain Sedai is a Mayener and has no desire to be in that country, even for a day."

"You chatterboxes!" Elloinde called. "Come along or Areinla Sedai will leave us all behind!" that spurred them on and before long the hooves of the horses left the wooden docks and they were into the Perfumed Quarter of Illian.

"Look at how they dress," Kim whispered to Jerelle, who was beside her while Nynli was behind, the others strung out ahead of them. The women had odd wide-brimmed hats on, with scarves tied on over top and underneath of their chins, no doubt to keep them from flying off with even the slightest breeze. And their dresses! They nearly beat out Jerelle for being scandalous. "Do all countries other then mine have such inappropriate garb?" she asked. Her voice sounded funny, seeing as how she was holding her nose to keep the stench from overpowering her.

Jerelle laughed at her. "You're such a farm girl," she said. "Why should a woman not show what is hers with pride? It can be such a great advantage. Why, the women merchants of my country use it all the time, they sell items much better then the men could ever hope to."

Kim felt her ears heat up. "It's indecent is what it is," she declared. "Don't you agree, Nynli?" She turned slightly in her saddle to look at her friend and very nearly fell off of her horse. "Nynli?!" The road behind her was empty of any on horseback. "Nynli!" She slid off of her horse and ran back the way they had come, pushing everyone out of her way. "Nynli!"

Behind her she heard Jerelle shout, "Kim, Kim wait!" But she didn't. She kept pushing through the crowd, her eyes searching frantically. The storm was coming closer and growing worse, she fairly shook with it. "Areinla Sedai, Nynli's vanished and Kim has gone after her!"

All that Meve had told them, both that morning and in days previous, was running through her head. Jerelle had had her own tales as well, ones of terror. Such as when a young woman had been found in an alley with a slit throat and emptied purse. "Nynli, where are you? Nynli, answer me!"

Then, at the mouth of an alley off to her left, Kim say Nynli's horse. It was being held by a filthy urchin. when he saw Kim come running he dropped the reins and melted into the crowd. She didn't really care, because she had heard rough laughter coming from farther down the alley along with muffled screams. "Nynli!" Not a thought in was in her head for herself right then as she charged down the alley and leapt straight onto the back of a large man. She wrapped her arms around his throat and her legs about her waist as she yelled.

Then she saw Nynli, with a dirty rope gagging her. Her eyes were frightened, though there was a glimmer of hope there when she saw Kim. Nynli's dress was tossed on the ground and her shift was as well, both of them ripped and torn. A man was thrusting her up against the wall. She was weeping and yelling through the gag. She was struggling too, except it didn't do much good because of the ropes tying her wrists and ankles together. "Nynli! Light burn you and the Dark One take you, you bloody bastards! No no no, you let her go!"

The men, about six of them altogether, laughed at her. "Do take care of her Stephan," one said as he spat and switched places with the one holding Nynli. "She do like she do be ready to be a pest." 

The man, Stephan she guessed, reached up and gripped her shoulders. In a fury she released her hold on his neck and drew the knife from the sheath about her ankle. With a shout she drove it into his neck. Hot blood gushed onto her hands as she tore the knife free and dropped to the ground, even as Stephan's lifeless body thumped to the ground. "Let her go!"

"I do no think so," another man snarled as he and three others started for her. "If we do get that knife from her, she do be prettier then this one." He laughed, an ugly sound that sent chills up her spine even as she crouched slightly, holding the knife ready. Everything Meve had taught her, which did not seem like much now, was racing through her head.

"Try it," she hissed. _I have to get Nynli free, I have to!_ "I'll give you the same as I gave him. Let her go."

They all laughed at her again. "She do have spirit! That one do not struggle so much now. This one do be mine first." Kim's blood caught fire and he jumped at her ahead of the others.

Kim let the knife fly to bury itself hilt-deep in his chest. He plucked at it and looked at her, a red bubble coming out of his mouth. It popped and he fell to the ground. Kim felt a brief flash of fear, she had no weapon! Then she heard a high-pitched scream from Nynli and the fear for herself vanished. "Kim!" Nynli cried. A quick glance at her showed that the gag had fallen away.

"Quiet wench!" the man on her snarled and backhanded her. A sickening crunch lingered on the air and Kim clenched her fists tightly, her dark eyes blazing. She lunged right for him, a wild scream torn from her throat.

She was caught in midair and swung hard against a wall. The air fled from her lungs and she dropped to her knees, gasping for air. The men were laughing again, the only sound in the alley other then Kim's labored breathing. Nynli had fallen silent. Kim lifted her eyes and saw that Nynli was across from her, watching her with tear-filled eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, making clean paths through the blood and grime. "Kim…sorry," it was a whisper that she could hardly hear through the ringing that had filled her ears.

Her fear rose, not fear for herself, but fear for Nynli. There was anger as well, anger at these men for doing what they had done to Nynli. For what they had no doubt done to others and planned to do again. "Burn you," she whispered as the ringing changed to a sweet, sweet roar and she saw all of the men burning. "Burn you!" she screamed and suddenly the roaring was gone, as was all the strength in her body. Her eyes rolled up into her head and she fell to the ground. 

**Next Morning**

Kim felt as though her bones had turned to jelly and she had been beaten with a stout stick on top of it. She groaned as she shifted, struggling to open her eyes. Memory washed back over her and she wanted to bolt up, but couldn't summon the strength to even lift her arm. "She's coming around. Go Elloinde, fetch Areinla and Nanalain Sedai!" That was Jerelle's voice and the sound of running feet on wooden floorboards after it. A cool rag was placed against her forehead and a gentle hand brushed back her unbraided hair.

She finally managed to open her eyes and slowly the room came into focus. She was lying on a bed, looking up at a ceiling and Jerelle's coppery face. "Where…what?" Kim asked, struggling to sit up. Jerelle stopped her, pressing her easily back into the pillows.

"Don't try to move," the Domani advised as she held a cup of water up to her mouth. Kim drank greedily, as though she hadn't tasted water in an Age. "The Sisters say you are lucky to be alive after that, because of your channeling at the end. That was very brave of you, charging in to save Nynli like you did, extremely foolish, but brave nonetheless. I wish I could say that I would do such a thing to help a friend in need."

"Nynli," Kim said. "What happened to Nynli? Where is she?"

Jerelle set the empty cup back on the stand beside the bed and looked down at her hands. "She's in the bed right over there," she said quietly, her voice lower then a whisper. "Her injuries…she would need an Aes Sedai Healer to save her and there are none in the city, you know that neither Areinla nor Nanalain Sedai can Heal very much. Not near enough to save her…Nanalain says that she might last two more days. I'm sorry Kim."

Kim felt tears well up in her eyes and she choked back a sob. She began to try to rise again, struggling to get out of the bed. "Help me, Jerelle," she said pleadingly. "Let me sit with her. Please? She's my…my best friend. She…she would not have even come if not for me." _'I can't let her go alone, she needs me.'_ Those had been the words Nynli had spoken.

The door opened and Kim saw Areinla and Nanalain rushing towards her. "Fool of a girl," Nanalain said as she checked her over. "Taking on six, we gathered there were six, men alone! What were you thinking?"

"They were hurting Nynli," Kim replied. "Please Nanalain Sedai, please let me sit with her. She would be in Deven Ride…but for me." Her dark eyes glistened with tears. 

Nanalain looked at Areinla, who nodded. "Meve, Jerelle, help Kimdesa into the chair beside Nynli's bed. Elloinde go fetch hot tea and soup." They all moved quickly and Kim soon found herself seated on the large chair with a blanket tucked around her. Nynli looked to be sleeping as Kim reached out and took her hand, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Nynli's face looked gray, where the skin could be seen amid the dark bruises. Her lip was split and her nose, crushed. Her eyes, both of them were ringed with black, opened and when they landed on Kim a smile formed on those cracked lips. Kim felt Nynli squeeze her hand weakly. "So you're awake," her voice was quiet and a little slurred. Kim could see gaps where teeth should have been. "I knew you'd be fine."

"Of course Nynli," Kim said as she reached out and smoothed a piece of sweat-soaked hair off of Nynli's forehead. "But this," her voice cracked. "This is all my fault. If I had never channeled…never left Deven Ride…"

"Quiet," Nynli said, reaching up to touch her lips. She shifted so that she was sitting, not able to hide the pain that flashed across her face. "We both had to come sometime. Even if I couldn't channel you know I'd still be here. I was coming with you anyway Kim, I wasn't about to let my best friend go out into the world all alone. The blame, it's not yours."

Kim drew a shuddering breath, shaking slightly with repressed sobs as tears clouded her vision. "Your mother…she's going to kill me. What kind of friend are you, dying on me like this?" She tried to make her voice light, but failed. "Please Nynli…"

"Sorry Kim," Nynli said as she reached up to touch her cheek with a cold hand. "Country girl staring at the wondrous city, not paying attention to anything else. I should have listened to Meve and Jerelle, they were right. But you can yell at me later, okay? After I rest for a while…I'm so tired…"

"Okay Nynli," Kim said, reaching up to cover Nynli's hand with her own. "You rest now."

Nynli smiled, though tears still stood clearly in her eyes. "Thanks for coming back for me, Kim," she murmured as she sank back into the pillows. "I love you." She smiled one more time and drew a long breath. Kim watched as the life drained from her eyes and her hand grew even colder. She let Nynli's hand fall to the bed and leaned forward to kiss her forehead as she carefully closed her friend's eyes.

"I love you too Nynli," she whispered. "The Creator shelter you in his hands forever and Light bless." Kim laid her head on the pillow beside Nynli and wept, holding her friend's hand again. Her best friend was dead and, in her mind, it was because of her. And those men. 

**Two Days Later**

Kim sat in the chair she had drawn up to the window of the room she was sharing with Jerelle, Meve, and Elloinde. Her hair fell in messy waves down her back. She hadn't taken time to brush and braid it since she got up out of bed the previous day. She was looking north and west, in the direction of Baerlon. The way the pigeon had flown a day ago when she released it. In the special carrying case attached to its leg it carried a note from Kim, telling Master and Mistress al'Seenar of what had happened. Nynli's body was not being taken back. It was too far away for a dead body to travel, especially when it was still winter in the north with roads that might be impassable. So Areinla had made arrangements and there had been a funeral, of sorts, for Nynli the night before.

The door opened and the floorboards creaked as someone moved towards the window. "Kim?" Meve asked, coming up to the side of her chair. "Areinla Sedai says that we are leaving within in the hour. She sent me up to help you get ready. If you need help."

Kim looked at her with sad dark eyes. "I can get ready on my own," she said quietly as she stood up. She felt much better now, after two days of rest. Apparently channeling like she had was not easy, especially not for an untrained girl. "Tell Areinla Sedai that I will be down within the hour."

The Saldaen nodded and turned to leave. "Oh, Kim," she said, turning back around and holding out a sheath much like the one Kim already wore. "It's for your other leg," she explained. "So that you have two instead of one. I'll take up lessons again once we leave, if you'd like."

The Two Rivers girl accepted the knife and sheath and smiled slightly at Meve. "Thank you Meve," she said. "And I would like that, if you continued lessons again. I would like very much to learn more about how to protect myself, and others." _From filthy men who have no honor or humanity left in their veins,_ she added bitterly in her mind as Meve nodded and left. _Men are nothing but trouble. It's because of Jac that I had to leave in the first place. If he never would have hurt himself on that tree then none of this would have happened. Nynli would still be alive. I would not have blood on my hands…even though they deserved to die._ She had dreamed of it, of driving her knife again and again into Stephan's throat, his blood pouring out over her hands. Blood that, in her dreams, she could never wash off. Blood of a man who needed to die, but had it needed to be by her hand? _It was for Nynli, that justifies it all._

An hour later Kim was seated in the saddle of her horse, her long hair hanging down her back in a perfect braid. Her face was still pale and her eyes sad and haunted, but she sat straight and tall. _If I died then I would wish that no one grieved for me overly long,_ she thought as she heeled her horse after Elloinde's. _I will not forget you, Nynli, but I know that you would wish for me to live my life and not spend all of it in grieving for you. But I will not forget what was done to you, not if I live for five hundred years will I forget. Creator shelter you and Light bless your soul._ Her eyes were hard as dark chips of stone as they rode out of the city of Illian. And everytime they fell on a man he couldn't help but shiver and turn away for the hate that burned there.

**Caemlyn**

"So," Kim said, turning in her saddle to look over at Areinla. She had become a much better rider in the time since they left Illian. "According to _maps_ the Two Rivers is part of Andor?" She had been arguing about this with Elloinde and Areinla for the past day.

"That is correct," Areinla replied. "How can you catch on so quick to everything else and absolutely refuse to understand this one thing? The Two Rivers _are_ a part of Andor as much as Whitebridge and Baerlon are. You're as Andoran as Elloinde."

Kim shook her head, a stubborn set about her face. "Forgive me Areinla Sedai but you are wrong. I am no Andoran. I am of the Two Rivers, Deven Ride more specifically. Not an Andoran city." She felt a sharp stab when she said Deven Ride. It made her remember her village…and Nynli. And whenever she thought about Nynli she remembered what had happened in Illian.

"You Two Rivers folk," Elloinde said with a roll of her eyes. "Even after knowing only two of you I can tell that you're stubborn as rocks. Still Andoran, though."

As Kim opened her mouth to reply, Jerelle interjected, "Oh no you don't," she said, bringing her horse up to separate the two. "I've heard enough of you two arguing about whether or not Kim is Andoran. She doesn't think of herself as such, just let it lie. Please, before you give me a headache!"

Kim sniffed and turned her head away even as Elloinde snickered. That was one thing the two of them would probably never agree on. The came over the edge of a hill and all thoughts of doing something to Elloinde, like putting a snake in her bed, vanished. She was looking upon Caemlyn and now she understood why all of the books spoke of it as one of the most beautiful cities in the world. The walls were made of silver white stone and the towers that stuck up from it occasionally were wondrous. "Light…"

"The Andoran capital city," Elloinde said proudly, turning to grin smugly at Kim. "The most beautiful city in the world." 

"Second most beautiful city," Kim corrected as she put her heels to her horse and started forward again. "Everyone knows that Tar Valon is the most beautiful."

Elloinde glared at her and opened her mouth only to be silenced by Nanalain. "All right you two, you can stop fighting now," she said. "There really is no need to argue over the matter. As Jerelle said, Kimdesa does not think herself to be an Andoran, so stop trying to convince her otherwise, Elloinde. And do not argue over which city is more beautiful. It is childish."

"I am sorry, Nanalain Sedai," Elloinde said, hanging her head. The Gray Sister turned expectantly to Kim who looked back at her without blinking.

"What?" Kim asked. "I am not sorry, I am not Andoran and will not let anyone try to tell me that I am."

Nanalain raised a single eyebrow and crossed her arms across her chest, her eyes locked with Kim's. Kim swallowed hard and after a few minutes she looked away. "I am sorry, Nanalain Sedai," she said.

"I thought you would change your mind," Nanalain said. "Come along now, we're not going into Caemlyn. We're just going around it."

"What?" Elloinde asked, looking crestfallen. For that matter Kim was disappointed as well, and, judging by the looks on their faces, so were Jerelle and Meve. It looked like such a beautiful city and even from here Kim could make out the spires of the Inner City. She seen much of Illian and never planned to. But Caemlyn…she had heard tales about Caemlyn in Baerlon. It looked like she would just have to go there another time. With a sigh she turned her horse to follow Areinla Sedai, looking wistfully at the silver white walls and tall towers as they passed by.

_I'll have to come back and see the city proper,_ Kim thought as they eventually left the city behind them.


	2. Inside The Tower

**The White Tower-Novice**

Kim fidgeted slightly in her seat, turning so that she could see out of the window. It was a beautiful spring day outside and she was stuck inside this stuffy classroom. And the way things looked she wouldn't get a chance to go outside today. Just like the past week. Absolutely beautiful weather and she was stuck inside learning how to talk in the Old Tongue. She would have preferred the lessons about channeling to this. She didn't like the Old Tongue, especially how sometimes she understood what Saitna Sedai was saying before she translated for them. The Brown Sister had found this extremely interesting, asking her if she had read any books on the Old Tongue before coming to the White Tower. When Kim had told her that she hadn't the Aes Sedai had been upset at first, thinking she was lying, but after a while she began to believe her. Now Kim wished she didn't, every other night she had to go to the Brown's room and listen to various phrases in the Old Tongue, seeing which she could and could not understand.

"Kimdesa!" Saitna's voice made her look back to the front of the room.

"Yes Saitna Sedai?"

"Are you enjoying the view?" Saitna asked as she walked over to stand at the head of her desk. Kim thought it would be wiser if she did not reply, so she kept her mouth shut and looked away. "What did I just say, Kimdesa?" All of the Aes Sedai called her that, none of them would shorten her name like she preferred.

Kim thought quickly, trying to remember what it had been that the Sister had been saying. But all she could come up with was one word, mandarb. "Something about a blade?"

There were a few snickers around the class and it was all Kim could do to not glare at those who had laughed. She had done that once in front of Saitna and only once. Aes Sedai could be very strict, something she hadn't expected at all. She also hadn't expected the plain white wool dresses that she had to wear. All novices wore them until they became Accepted. And then the dress wasn't a whole lot better, the only bits of color being bands around the hem and edge of sleeves.

"I think," Saitna said. "That you will profit from some time spent scrubbing pots in the scullery. Before and after evening meal for two days. Understood?"

"Yes Saitna Sedai," Kim said, trying to keep her voice neutral. When the Sister turned back to the front of the room she stuck her tongue out at her. _Great,_ she thought. _Now I definitely won't be able to go outside._ She sighed and looked up to the front of the room where Saitna had resumed her lecture.

Kim stared defiantly at the Mistress of Novices. Well, as defiantly as she could with a black eye and bloodied nose. The sleeve of her dress was torn too, it looked like some wild animal had attacked her. _And one did,_ she thought as she looked away from the Mistress for a moment, to the other novice who was standing in the Office with her. Her mouth curled upward in a satisfied smile as she noted that the other wasn't in any better shape then she was. _Serves her right for attacking me like that._

"What happened?" the Mistress, Jaserah Sedai, demanded. She did not look very happy to have two Novices, who showed very clear signs of having just been in a fight, standing in her office waiting to be punished.

Kim glared at Nilara Jagar, the other novice, as the Shienaran began to speak. The two of them had started out on the completely wrong foot. Nilara was a stuck-up noble, former noble that was, and seemed to see Kim as nothing more then an ignorant country wilder. She had bullied her, subtly, ever since they first met and the Two Rivers girl had finally grown tired of it and told her exactly what she thought of her. None of which had been very flattering. For a moment it had looked as though the other novice would apologize…but then she had quite basically attacked her and it went downhill from there. 

"That's not how it happened, Mistress!" Kim protested once Nilara stopped speaking. "She attacked me, not the other way around!"

Jaserah raised her eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. "I think," she said. "That the two of you need to spend a little time together…"

Kim yanked on the rope around her wrist and looked at Nilara with dark, narrowed eyes. "This is all your fault," she informed the other novice. "Now, help me figure out how to untie this."

"It takes two to fight, Kimdesa, and if we untie this rope, Jaserah might very well tie our whole bodies to each other," Nilara said, her voice haltingly superior. That was one of the things Kim despised about her, she talked as though she were better then everyone else. _I thought all novices were taught that they were equal,_ she thought.

"It takes two to fight but only one to start it," Kim snapped. "And we both know what stared this, you and your bloody noble pride. You couldn't handle a country girl being right where you were wrong, especially in front of all those people." She sighed and stopped picking at the rope Jaserah had used to bind their wrists together. "Okay, how long do you think she'll leave us like this?" The idea of more then a day spent with Nilara…it made Kim wish she were mucking out the stables instead. She would have preferred weeks of normal penance, not this oddly cruel one that Jaserah had thought up.

"However long she thinks we deserve," Nilara replied. Kim could tell she was fighting to keep that cool, superior tone. "Jaserah Sedai believes this is a fit punishment…all we can do is wait it out. Regrettably, for I do not like this anymore then you do. My idea of fun is not being tied to a country girl wilder."

"_Will_ you stop calling me that? It's what started this whole thing in the first place. Just because I was born in the country doesn't make you better then me. Please get that through your thick, noble head or this is going to be a very unpleasant time for both of us." She sniffed and started away, only to be yanked up short. _Blood and ashes this is going to drive me mad! I already don't like her….what good could this possibly do? Make us kill each other faster?_

Nilara rubbed her wrist. "You will have to stop doing that, Kimdesa. I would like to have a wrist left when Jaserah Sedai unties us." 

Kim did her best not to grind her teeth too loudly. "Kim," she said as she rubbed at her own wrist where the rope had begun to chaff.

"What?" Nilara asked, looking at her curiously. 

"Do not call me Kimdesa, I much prefer Kim."

"All right…Kim."

"Thank you Nilara."

Kim tossed her braid over her shoulder and poked at the food on her plate. She had already eaten half of it, no matter how unappetizing it looked. "Even Mistress Dowdon made better food then this," she complained. "And she cooked so badly that her son was the size of a twig and her husband not much better."

Nilara laughed. "It's not that bad Kim," she said as she finished hers off. "You have to eat, next meal isn't until tomorrow morning. And we're going to the Mistress's office after this. You'll want your strength up for that, in case she decides that this punishment wasn't enough."

"Punishment?" Kim asked. "Oh that's right…this did begin as a punishment, didn't it? It doesn't seem like one now." The first day had, but after a while Kim had actually started to get along with Nilara. It was hard not to find a persons good points after spending four days tied wrist to wrist with them. And, surprisingly enough, the noble did have them.

"True," Nilara responded. "I think that was Jaserah Sedai's idea though, to make this happen. She wanted us to get along and now we do. She should be pleased with herself."

"I hope so," Kim said as she made a face and choked down the rest of her meal. "Because I really do not wish to go through a penance. I only just finished the one from Saitna Sedai."

"You mean we," Nilara corrected. "I had to come along with you to do that scrubbing."

"I am sorry about that," Kim apologized. "But that penance is the only reason we got this one." She lifted her wrist up and pointed to the rope. "It could have been much, much worse I suppose."

"Having fun, Kim?" Meve asked as she slid onto the bench beside her, snickering. "Isn't that rope beginning to get a little uncomfortable?" The look she gave to Nilara said plainly that she thought the company must be worse then the rope.

"I would think," Jerelle said as she sat down across the table. "That you would be tired. How can you sleep? The beds are hardly big enough for one person, much less two."

"I took my mattress into her room and then she put hers next to it on the floor," Kim explained. "It really isn't that bad."

"Not that bad?" Meve repeated, a disbelieving look on her face. "Come now Kim, tell the truth." She leaned closer to whisper in her ear, "Isn't being tied together with a stuck-up noble absolutely terrible? I can recall you saying several times before this that you absolutely despised her."

_I did,_ Kim thought, feeling slightly guilty. _And I said some very mean things about Nilara…that aren't really true._ "I did," Kim whispered back to Meve. "But…well, Nilara's not as bad as any of us thought she was. We're, well, we're friends now."

"Now if I've ever had a surprise then that would be it," Meve said as she shook her head and turned to her food. "I thought you two would have torn each other apart. That is a very, very big surprise." 

"Not really," Kim said, fiddling with her cup of water. "Nilara's a novice just like us. Sure she's been here for longer and came from a noble house but still, she's just another novice." Nilara was looking at her curiously.

"So what, you're friends now?" Meve asked.

Kim looked over at Nilara, who smiled and nodded. "Yes we are," Kim said, smiling. "Me and Nilara are friends."

**The White Tower-Accepted**

_She was standing on a hill; a strong, warm wind making her braid fly out behind her. She looked in the direction of the wind and saw a thick cloud of black smoke rising against the otherwise blue sky. Her throat clenched in fear and she gasped, pressing a hand against her chest._

That smoke was coming from Deven Ride.

She ran towards the village, her heart pounding in her ears. It seemed as though only a moment passed and she was standing on the village green, her hand over her mouth as she looked at the terrible scene that was laid before her eyes.

Her mother was lying on her back in a pool of her own blood, her mouth still open in a silent scream, her face twisted with terror and disbelief. Disbelief that anything like this could happen to her. "Mother," Kim whispered as she ran to kneel beside her, not caring for the blood that stained her dress. There was a slit across her mother's throat, that was how she had died. Kim closed her eyes tightly as she heard a rough laugh. She stood up slowly and turned around, only to see a large group of dirty men leering at her. Six of them were very familiar for some reason.

"No," she said, shaking her head and stepping back. "I killed you...I killed you! You can't have done this to my home! NO!" 

"NOOOO!" Kim sat up in her bed screaming, clutching her sheets tightly as her eyes darted around the room wildly. Cold sweat beaded her forehead and made her shift cling to her. Tears mingled with the sweat on her face, tears that would not stop falling no matter what she did. She shook as she realized where she was, in her new room in the Accepted's Quarters. No longer the small box she had slept in as a novice, though if she were still there then she would not have had that nightmare. At that moment she wished she were still a novice, if only so that the memories of her Three Arches would be gone.

She climbed shakily out of her bed, the stone floor cold to her bare feet. It wasn't completley dark in the room for the moon was full and shining clearly through her window to bathe her in a soft, white glow as she paced back and forth, trying to think of anything but her Arches. The fact that she was wearing the golden Great Serpent ring on her left middle finger helped her none in trying to forget. She would have taken it off...but she could not do that. What if she lost it? She had never heard of an Accepted losing her ring and did not wish to be the first one to do so.

Half an hour later she was still pacing and knew that if she laid back down in her bed then she would never be able to sleep. The memories would come back in her dreams...and next time they might be worse. _Maybe she's still awake...even if she isn't then she'll understand, she's gone through this already._ Her mind made up, Kim put on her slippers and opened her door quietly, slipping into the hall. She walked quickly down the hall a ways and opened the door, closing it behind her.

"Nilara?" she whispered as she walked over to the bed. She reached out and gave the lump beneath the covers a slight shake. "Nilara," she repeated. "Wake up, please."

The lump shifted and the sheet fell away to reveal sleepy blue eyes in a face surrounded by very messy black hair. "Kim?" Nilara asked, yawning as she rubbed her eyes and sat up. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

Kim bit her lip and nodded, holding up her left hand. The Great Serpent ring glittered in the moonlight that flooded Nilara's room as well. "Jaserah did not take me for the Arches until after last meal," she said quietly. "I'm an Accepted now, like you, but I wish I was back in novice white. It was so horrible…how did you manage?"

"I managed because I had to. You thought your novice days were bad Kim, these next few weeks are going to make it seem like a pleasant dream. The Sisters will push you twice as far as you thought you could go. you have to manage Kim, or they'll kick you out," Nilara said matter-of-factly.

Kim swallowed hard. "That's really comforting, Nilara," she said. "I think I'm going to go back and have a nice, sleepless night before the Aes Sedai try to work me to death." She turned to go when she felt Nilara touch her arm.

"I did not mean to sound so blunt," Nilara said. "I was only telling you the simple truth, so that you know what it is going to be like. Here," she moved over to the other side of her bed and pulled the covers back. "Truth to tell I wouldn't mind the extra warmth on a night like tonight, and I don't want you to have nightmares or a sleepless night Kim."

The extra warmth part was a lie and Kim knew it. Nilara was from the Borderlands and used to nights much, much colder then this. Light, _Kim_ was still used to colder nights and Tar Valon was farther north than the Two Rivers. "Thank you," Kim said as she took her slippers off and climbed into the bed. She didn't know why she had hesitated at all. She had slept in the same bed with Nilara before...of course they had had no choice in the matter. They had been tied together at the wrist after all, because they couldn't get along. Kim smiled at remembering that, a time when she hadn't gotten along with Nilara at all.

"Mhmm," Nilara said. As Kim pulled the covers back up she felt Nilara touch her shoulder. She turned to face her friend to find that she was not even an inch away. "You were crying before you came here, weren't you?" Kim nodded slowly. "I remember what it was like Kim, I remember very well. If you need to cry, then cry. Do not think I will laugh at you, I want to help you."

Kim felt the thin barrier she had errected while she had been pacing back and forth melt away. Memories of what she had seen, had done, only hours past flooded back into her mind and tears filled her dark eyes. She brought her hands up to her eyes and began to cry again, the clearest image in her mind being the one of her mother lying dead in a pool of her own blood while her murderers looked on and laughed.

She felt Nilara slip her arms around her and hug her from behind. "Shhhh," Nilara whispered soothingly to her as she held her tightly. "It's all right Kim, let it out."

She wasn't sure how long she lay there in Nilara's arms, weeping. But she did know that it was more comforting now then it had been when she was crying in her own bed alone. Her sobs began to slow as Nilara stroked her hair, still whispering soothingly to her. Finally the tears stopped coming. Kim took a deep breath and wiped her eyes before she turned in Nilara's arms to face her. "Thank you Nilara," she said quietly, smiling slightly at her and hugging her. "I feel a lot better now."

"Good," Nilara said, still stroking her hair softly. "I am glad that you do."

Kim looked at Nilara and started to pull away. But then she stopped, her mouth feeling dry all of a sudden. She had never seen that look in her friend's eyes before and it made her both nervous and slightly...excited was the only word she could think of right then. And then, before she really knew what was happening, she was kissing Nilara and Nilara was kissing her back...

**Four Months Later**

Kim was sitting cross-legged on her bed, reading from an old book about the War of the Hundred Years. Nilara was kneeling behind her, brushing her hair out after having unbraided it. "You should leave your hair unbraided more," Nilara said as she started to braid it back up. "It looks beautiful that way."

"No," Kim said, shaking her head slightly. "You know why I wear my hair in a braid, Nilara."

"I know," Nilara replied. "I still say you look better with it down though." 

"Thank you, and you know I leave it down when I go to bed. You see it down all the time," Kim said, smiling slightly as she went back to reading her book. "We have a freeday in two days, don't we?"

"Yes," Nilara said as she split her hair into three parts and started the actual braid. "We're going into the city, remember?"

"Oh that's right," she said, turning the page. Nanalain Sedai…she had never expected to be in a class taught by that Sister. Yet she had requested lessons over the War of the Hundred Years and the Gray Sister had volunteered. Nanalain had been one of the two Sisters who had brought Kim from the Two Rivers. Along with three others; Jerelle, Meve, and Elloinde. There had been four at first…the fourth had been one of Kim's oldest friends, Nynli al'Seenar who had come with her out of Deven Ride. But Nynli hadn't made it to the White Tower. She had died in Illian, murdered by men who Kim herself had killed.

"Can we practice the hundred weaves tonight then? Before evening meal." 

Before Nilara could reply there was a short knock on the door and then it opened, a young woman in the banded dress of an Accepted coming in and closing the door behind her. The woman was tall with a willowy build and coppery skin, her black hair falling in one straight wave down her back. Her hazel eyes, Kim had finally learned that that color of eye was called hazel, were puffed and there were tearstains on her cheeks. Kim would have jumped up if Nilara had not had been holding handfuls of her hair. "Jerelle?" Kim asked worriedly. "Jerelle, what's wrong?"

Jerelle glared at Nilara, who gave the Domani a cool look in return. "Does she have to be here? I thought to find you alone and tell you." Kim felt Nilara stiffen up at her back and reached around to lay a calming hand on her arm.

"Don't Nilara," Kim whispered. "Please? Something is wrong with Jerelle, you know she isn't normally like this." Nilara had loosened her hold on Kim's hair so that she could turn enough to face her.

"I know that she never likes me," Nilara said, her voice cool and flat. "Or just doesn't like the fact that we're always together. Turn back around, see what is bothering her, and I will finish braiding your hair." Her eyes weren't as flat as her voice and Kim wished, not for the first time, that Jerelle would at least try to see past Nilara being a former noble. Meve had, Elloinde as well and they all got on reasonably well.

"Nilara stays, Jerelle," Kim said as she turned back. "Come, sit down and tell me what is wrong." Jerelle hesitated a moment before she walked over and sat down.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you," she said, looking down at her hands before she looked at Kim. There were tears in her hazel eyes and Kim knew that something terrible had happened. "This morning Elloinde was taken to her test to be raised to Accepted. She…she didn't make it out of the second Arch, Kim."

Nilara's hands stopped moving and Kim stared at Jerelle in disbelief. "No," she said, shaking her head, not really feeling the hairs that pulled out because Nilara's hands weren't moving with her head. "Elloinde is strong how…she…I don't believe it. Elloinde can't be…" Her head was spinning, this couldn't be happening. She had to be dreaming, only there were sharp jolts of pain coming from her head where hairs had pulled out.

"The Mistress was going to tell you but I said it'd be better if I did," Jerelle said. "Kim…I'm sorry. I…I told Jaserah I'd tell Meve too." She hugged Kim quickly before backing up to the door. She opened it and went through quickly, shutting it tightly behind her.

Kim heard Nilara choke back a sob. Elloinde had been her friend as well. Kim turned to see that Nilara's bright blue eyes were filling with tears. "I'm sorry Kim," she said. "I know that you were her friend."

"So were you," Kim said quietly as she blinked back her tears. She wrapped her arms around Nilara, her head on her shoulder, and wept for her friend who had died. _Elloinde,_ she thought as she stroked Nilara's back, for the Shienaran was crying too. _Rest in the Light, my friend._

**Three And A Half Years Later**

Kim sat in front of her fireplace, watching the flames as they danced over the logs and consumed them. It was funny how much she could relate those flames to actual people, and the logs as well. The flames used the logs for their own purposes and in return the logs turned to ash, cold ash lying in the bottom of the fireplace. Useless ash that no one or nothing cared for. The flames were so beautiful though that one could easily forget how much trouble and pain they could cause.

"Look how far I have come," she whispered as the fire reflected in her dark eyes. There was no other light in the dark room for the moon was new and the stars veiled by clouds. She had not cared to light any candles and the fire was there only because she needed something to take her mind off of the day's events. "Eight years ago I was probably sitting in front of the Wisdom's fireplace, learning some new remedy from her. How to make a colicky baby stop crying or how to ease the pain of a broken bone before you set it." She looked down at the carpet, which was dyed a deep, rich red. "Now I sit in front of my own fireplace, and I could make a noble roll over and beg. Me, a woman of simple country beginnings." _Country girl wilder._ She shook that name away, it had been a mocking name at first and then it became something that only a very, very close friend had called her in jest. But the days of that friendship were gone, and not by her choice.

She stood and walked away from the heat of the fireplace to the nearest window. It was taller then she was and led out onto a small balcony of sorts that looked down upon the Gardens. Kim opened the window-door and walked out onto the balcony, the sharp winter wind catching her unbound hair and swirling it about her face. She walked to the end of the small balcony and leaned on the rail, not even feeling the coldness of the marble against her bare arms or that of the stone beneath, which seeped through the thin slippers she was wearing. In less then a week she had mastered the trick of Aes Sedai that allowed them to appear indifferent to the temperature about them. True her body was growing colder but she did not feel it, not yet. With a quiet sigh she forced her mind away from the calm pool that helped her to maintain the delicate balance that ensured she would feel no heat or cold.

It was as though she had jumped into an icy stream. The wind that had before only been irritating by tossing her hair in her eyes was now flowing over her body. The nightgown that she wore, made of thin red silk, offered her about as much protection as the thin slippers on her feet, through which she could feel the smooth texture of the stone. She had chosen this room for one main reason, this balcony faced a little south and west, towards Deven Ride. That was where she was looking now, that was where she was wishing she was.

It had been years since Kim had wished that none of this had happened and she was back at her peaceful village, probably the Wisdom by now or close to it. It had confused her friend Jerelle, who had spoken with her the night after her Raising, that she wanted to return to Deven Ride now and leave the White Tower and everything related to it behind. It was as though Jerelle was standing there again, Kim could practically see the disbelief on her face…

_"You what?" Jerelle asked, disbelief plain on her coppery face._

"I want to go home to Deven Ride," Kim said as she twisted the Great Serpent ring, which she now wore upon her right ring finger. "I want to take this thing and throw it as far as I can manage and forget that I ever came here."

"Is this because of Nil-" She cut off when Kim glared at her. "It is, isn't it?" Kim didn't reply but turned away and after a moment she nodded shortly. "Kim you're an Aes Sedai now! How can you let that bother you?"

"You wouldn't understand Jerelle," Kim said, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "You may go now, I wish to be alone."

"Kim…"

"I said you may leave," Kim repeated. "Now please Jerelle, go." The Domani Accepted had left and Kim had curled up in the center of her bed. 

Something like the touch of a feather only cold and wet brushed against Kim's face. She blinked and looked around to see that snow had begun to fall down from the cloud-filled night sky. She closed her eyes as the fluffy snowflakes drifted down on her face, melting the moment they landed on her warm skin. The wind had stopped blowing and the snow drifted down lazily.

Kim had no idea of how long she stood there watching the snow as it fell from the sky to add a new layer of white to the one that had been there for days. Her balcony was now dusted over lightly and her numb feet left prints as she padded back to her room, closing the door behind her. Snow had swirled in when she was out but she made no move to clean it, though it would take a simple weave of Fire to have it dry. A simple weave would have dried her robe and hair out as well but she didn't bother to as she sunk back down into her chair before the now-dying fire.

As her teeth began to chatter the new Red Sister embraced _saidar_, letting its sweetness wash through her, and wove several threads of Air. Logs from the full stack beside her fireplace floated over to drop onto the still-burning ones. Kim released _saidar_ as heat washed over her. The flames danced over the new logs in a hypnotic pattern and she found herself dwelling on the weeks events again. They kept coming back to her no matter what she did. "I guess that I have to think about them sometime," she told herself as she sighed and stared into flames.

_Maybe it was a mistake,_ she thought for what had to be the hundredth time. But, as she replayed what had happened in her mind, she knew that there was no way it had been a mistake, no matter how much she wished it had been. There was steam rising from her robe as it dried but she didn't even notice that it was damp as she stood up and began to pace, a habit she had developed as a novice when she needed to think something out or calm herself down. She didn't know which she was doing it for now. Most likely a bit of both.

She ran a hand through her slightly damp hair as she turned and walked through the open door that led into her study. Embracing _saidar_ she lit the lamp that sat upon the sturdy oak desk. There was a slight hue of red to the wood somehow, everything in these rooms had at least a hint of red to it. _As though I would forget where I was,_ Kim thought as she picked the lamp up and passed through the sitting room the her bedroom. The large, canopied bed was far too big for one person, it felt like she was lying on a soft floor. A bloody floor…every inch of that bed was some sort of red. Every inch of her room was, except for the silver trim on the walls and frames of several paintings. Kim had found herself wondering what the other Sisters would say if she added another color, any other color to the room. Or her wardrobe, which she planned on doing even if they did not approve.

Sitting on the stand beside the bed was a very small wooden carving. Kim sat on the edge of the bed and picked the carving up, turning it over in her hands as a small smile formed on her lips. She had bought it on her first freeday as an Accepted, when she had been allowed to go into Tar Valon for the first time since arriving at the White Tower. It was made of a very pale wood and carved into the shape of a songbird. Kim laughed a little as she remembered Meve saying that only Kim would buy a carving of something she could see outside her window everyday. Her laugh died as she remembered who had pointed the stand out to her and reminded Meve that songbirds were not seen in winter. 

She set the songbird back down, the smile on her lips having faded away to be replaced by a frown as she sunk back into the pillows. Nilara had been the one to say that, Nilara who had been her closest friend for years. Then the Shienaran had been raised to the shawl and the years they had spent as novices and Accepted might as well have never been. Kim had thought that when she too became Aes Sedai their friendship would pick up where it had left off. She had believed that she would have a friend of the same rank as her, unlike Jerelle and Meve who were still Accepted. She could not have been more wrong.

That very afternoon Kim had come upon Nilara while she was making her way down to the dining hall. Before Kim could say a word Nilara had looked at her, turned, and headed back the way she had come. Back to the Halls of the Yellow Ajah. Kim had been completely shocked, and once the shock had faded it was replaced by hurt. She didn't understand why Nilara would do that, they had been so close, how could less then a month destroy that?

"She's a Yellow," Verona Sedai had said. She had come up behind Kim while she had stood in the hall, shocked, and voiced her disbelief, thinking that no one else was around. Verona was a Red Sister, one of the newer Sisters, having been raised not even a full year. "Yellows are haughty and think all others who do not Heal to be inferior to them. Surely you do not think that one would be any different?" 

"Surely I could not," Kim said quietly as she pulled the covers up to her chin and rolled over to blow out the lamp. Maybe the rest of the her Sisters, the Reds, were correct. Maybe it was best to keep your friends inside your own Ajah.

((I might make some changes to it later, I'm not going to at the current moment though. Glad some people liked it!))


End file.
